Saturday, 2 August 2014

Curtains For Ed...?



I want to represent real people with real lives
so I won't answer questions about decor because
real people never decorate their homes.


***



Friday, 1 August 2014

End Of The Pier Show



And to think, George, when Lynton said:
"Burning Piers - good photo op"
I thought he meant Piers Morgan!


***

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Thursday, 17 July 2014

It's a Cam-Junck


We did it, Camo my boy!
We isolated 26 member states!
Now we can reform whatever we please together.
Let's have a Cognac to celebrate.


***




Saturday, 28 June 2014

With Friends Like These...



Enjoy your Champagne moment, Mr Juncker.
The hangover is going to be very difficult to shift.


***



Sunday, 22 June 2014

The European Booze Cruise



Of course people should choose me. 
I single-handedly got rid of the EU wine lake.


***



Friday, 20 June 2014

You Couldn't Fabricant It



The only differences between
Rod and Yasmin
are their sex, their colour
and their own personal brand of hypocrisy.


***

Thursday, 19 June 2014

One Out All Out



What a tika-tacky ceremony.


***



Thursday, 12 June 2014

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Only Sing When You're Winning



Very pleased to announce the launch of our new band:
3 Plebs and a Toff.
Our debut single will be a cover of the classic by
Europe: The Final Countdown.


***


Monday, 9 June 2014

Bringing Achilles To Heel?


MAY:  If I were in your shoes, matey, I'd tread carefully.

GOVE:  If I were in your shoes, dear, I'd look a right Nancy Boy.


***


Saturday, 31 May 2014

Friday, 30 May 2014

New World Ballsup


I'm sorry, sir. This is Bilderberg.
No Flatliners allowed.




***



Thursday, 29 May 2014

Friday, 23 May 2014

Ex Leader Of The Opposition In Waiting



Stodgy, difficult to swallow and, basically, toast.
I'm talking about the bacon sandwich, of course.


***



Thursday, 22 May 2014

All Our Futures...



I do this so that all women will have the right to
vote for UKIP!


***



Saturday, 17 May 2014

Spot The Difference...



"You know what the difference is."
N. Farage                       .


***



Thursday, 15 May 2014

Three Wheels On My Wagon



ED:  And this is my serious face.

AXELROD:  Yup. We're gonna have to lose that.


***




Punching Below His Weight


Reports that Douglas and I had to be pulled
apart are wide of the mark.
I battered the wee bastard.


***



Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Another Pfizer Cock-up



Roll up! Roll up!
Who else wants to put the boot into me
for being a rape apologist?


***



Friday, 9 May 2014

Thursday, 8 May 2014

And The Oscar For Political Naïvity Goes To...


What I look for in a Socilaist Political Broadcast:

1.  Does it promote Class War?  Check.

2.  Does it represent Grown Up Politics?  Check.

3.  Is it Geeky, Weird, Cringeworthy and Embarassing?

Check.

So, let's air it. It shows all the hallmarks of
my intellectual self-confidence.


***

Touché:





Friday, 2 May 2014

Max Head Room



"Get thee behind me Satan".
Matthew 16:23                                         .


***


Wednesday, 26 March 2014

U - N - C - O - U - P - L - I - N - G *


We got to the point where we realised that
there's just not enough fruit in our relationship.


***


*With apologies to Tammy Wynette:

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Monday, 17 March 2014

Saturday, 15 March 2014

Picket At The Pearly Gates


I'm back. It was driver-less transit so I called
everyone out on strike.


***



Friday, 14 March 2014

The Colour Of Blood



Don't worry, Ed. When I see Ralph
I won't let on how you've sold out Socialism.


***


Thursday, 27 February 2014

Monday, 23 December 2013

Wannabe Lawnmower Man



The iPad is mightier than the Kalashnikov.


***

Friday, 13 December 2013

They Don't Like it Up 'Em



Captain Mainwaring, if you call me a "Dromey"
again I'll report you to Harriett Harman.


***



Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

The VEEP Effect



Right, this is definitely next year's Christmas Card.


***


Update:

Friday, 6 December 2013

Monday, 2 December 2013

Flint Slated



As Shadow Energy Secretary I feel I'm doing my bit
towards conserving energy beacuse when I speak
people switch off.


***