Saturday, 27 February 2010

More Equal

HARRIET: Here, Jack, take the bag.

JACK: What's in it?

HARRIET: Your parachute.


Friday, 26 February 2010

Move Over Darling...?

You see - I survived the
Forces of Hell -
apart from getting my
eyebrows singed.


Tuesday, 23 February 2010

LORD Mandelson, To You

BROWN: What's the matter?

MANDELSON: Prescott nutted me.


MANDELSON: 'Cos I said you're a bigger bully than him.


Monday, 22 February 2010

Support Your Local Bully

Now get your Nokia-slinging, tangerine-chucking,
garden-girl-bitch-slapping arse out here
and explain why you've been
contacting a
Bullying Helpline.


Saturday, 20 February 2010

Hands Off THIS Gold, Gordon

Congratulations, Amy, on winning the
Gold Medal
for Great Britain.
Yes, I do know what a skeleton is.
In fact I'm standing next to one
in my cupboard
right now.


Friday, 19 February 2010

...Burning Bright...?

If you put lipstick on a tiger
it's still a tiger
isn't it?


A Corus Of Disapproval

And to boost jobs I can today announce
the opening of a brand new
Mothball Factory
here on Teesside.


Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Sunday, 14 February 2010

What Goes Around...

BBC scriptwriters used
Doctor Who
to try and bring down Margaret Thatcher.

Gordon Brown
The Teletubbies.



Friday, 12 February 2010

The Crying Game

BROWN: And then... and then, you see... I could talk about Tony and the way he stitched me up...
MORGAN: Yes... yes...
BROWN: And then... you ask me some question... er... yes! about Sarah...
MORGAN: proposal...?
BROWN: Yes! Exactly! I can describe the proposal...
MORGAN:  OK... I see...
BROWN: And then... the coup de grace...
MORGAN: ...yes...?
BROWN: Jennifer! The death of my daughter! In my arms! I could... er...
MORGAN: ...yes?
BROWN: ...almost... you know... cry.
MORGAN: But didn't you criticise Cameron for using his family...?
BROWN: Who gives a fuck? It will make the people LOVE me.


Psychologically Flawed of Fife

Thursday, 11 February 2010

His Latest Rendition...

The use of a strategically placed banana
does NOT constitute
torture under British Law.


Wednesday, 10 February 2010

A Flake Worse Than Death 2

And I am proud to name this new box of
Cadbury's Chocolates

"Empty Promises"


Sunday, 7 February 2010

Crocodile Piers

They always said that the whole
New Labour
thing would end in tears.


Friday, 5 February 2010

Mr 52 Per Cent

Yes - it's my double-whammy!

Record finacial bankruptcy in the country.
Record moral bankruptcy in Parliament.


Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Lemon Difficult

Oscar Nomination: Best Adapted Screenplay

In The Loop
was adapted staright from the Chilcot Inquiry.

[actual quote]

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Psephological Prevarication

On the one hand you have
First Past The Post
and on the other hand you have
Full Proportional Representation
and between them you can
Dither In The Middle.

So - let's Dither.