Thursday 30 September 2010

Party Pooper


You bastard, Ed.
You arranged this Union funded
"surprise" leaving party for me
BEFORE
the leadership election.


***


*

Wednesday 29 September 2010

He Was Too Heavy, He Was My Brother



MILI-MINOR:
Now take your fucking football and get out of here.

MILI-MAJOR:
Some banana republic, somewhere, will want me.


***


Exit Stage Right


MILI-MAJOR: Why are you clapping...?

HARMAN: Because my initials are HHH.
Harriet Hypocrisy Harman.


***


Tuesday 28 September 2010

Thursday 23 September 2010

You've Got Family


If I win then obviously David
will be my Shadow Chancellor.



If he wins then I'm taking my
Scalextric back.


***

Saturday 18 September 2010

Buy Me And Stop One


POPE: Oh! Now I get it! Condoms?
Anyone need condoms?


***

Wednesday 15 September 2010

Careless Driver


I'm never gonna drive again
Guilty feet have got no road-sense


***

Tuesday 14 September 2010

Number One Best [Self] Seller


CLINTON: Well deserved, Tony. A medal for
Taking The Liberty.


***

Suffer The Little Children...


Tickets...? Anyone need tickets...?


***

Monday 13 September 2010

Dinosaurs Я Us


Thirteen years we've waited for this
opportunity. Now let's roll up our sleeves
and hold the country to ransom.


***






Saturday 11 September 2010

It's A God Thing


We will not burn the Koran. Not today, not ever.
Instead we will burn
"The Hungry Caterpillar".


***

Friday 10 September 2010

Absence Of Predators


And not only do these Red Top Assassins
print, lies, smears and innuendo,
they also disseminate news - totally unacceptable.


***

Editorial Control


Yeah... I know. Thank God there's
a whale story today.


***


Thursday 9 September 2010

Reverse Spin


CAMERON: Look Andy, get them to publish the
hacking strory in The News Of The World
then nobody will believe it.


***

Wednesday 8 September 2010

Pouring Oil On Troubled Waters




BP STATEMENT:

It wasn't really our fault because
technically the oil didn't belong to us.


***

Diamond Geezer


Er... am I missing something when
Lib-Dems keep calling me
"a complete banker"?


***


Monday 6 September 2010

Tapping & Hacking


Hello... Oh, sorry My Lord - your number
must have still been in my contacts.


***


Sunday 5 September 2010

More "Males Sharing Twin Rooms" Fallout


WAYNE: Honest, Col, she means nothing.
I only did it to prove I'm not gay.


***

Friday 3 September 2010

Zebedee About?


FLORENCE: So where's Uncle Nick?


***


Thursday 2 September 2010

Guido Gets His Man


The gay and the not-so-gay.

[Check out Guido Westerwelle before suing]


***

Vanity Blair


Basically what I am saying is this:
vote for me - even though I'm not standing.


***