Saturday, 29 January 2011

Only A Porn In The Game

I can confirm that I am fronting
the Radio 5 programme
Porn Again and Richard is my researcher.


Friday, 28 January 2011

Weknowwhodunnit - Let's Cash In

A National Theatre spokesman has denied
that the "big song " in its new musical about
the Ipswich murders will be the
Roberta Flack standard
"Killing Me Softly"


Thursday, 27 January 2011

Sky's Not The Limit

I must stress that News Corporation
is an Equal Opportunities Employer:
all employees have equal opportunies for
tapping, hacking, back-tracking and sacking.


Wednesday, 26 January 2011

No Offence, Love


KEYSOSAURUS: Bet she doesn't know the offside rule.

GRAYOSAURUS: Yeah. But nice tits.


Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Indiscreet Free Kick

Andy Gray and Richard Keys
try out Sky Sport's new
Gender Blindness glasses.


Monday, 24 January 2011

Sunday, 23 January 2011

Dog Days At No 10

Basically, you have to keep the tabloids sweet
and ensure I'm in touch with the
ordinary voter.
Plus we'll call you Andy. OK?


Saturday, 22 January 2011

What A Difference A Year Makes

Before Regrets

After Regrets

BLAIR: We added the grey to enhance my Gravitas Index.


Thursday, 20 January 2011

Wrong Kind Of Splash?

Red Ed soon came to realise that
Hot Air alone was not enough
to keep the balloon airborne.


Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Something Of The Night About Them

OK, I've checked the small-print. If you nod off
in the House it can be counted as your second home
for expenses puposes.


Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Lost In Translation

Paul Gascoigne's mobile was hacked
which led to the infamous NOTW headline:
Whoar Mutha Mon Ye Knaa Leik Wh'ees i' Tha Netty?


Monday, 17 January 2011

Asterisk The Dwarf

No, you're f***ing a slightly deranged
Labour activist who refers to herself
as a "writer" and "journalist".
Royalty she ain't.


Sunday, 16 January 2011

Saturday, 15 January 2011

Do The Math

Erm... Labour 14,718 votes.
LibDems 11,160 votes.
Tories 4,481 votes.
Er... add up... carry... equals...
Yep, Ed. I can definitely confirm
we got more votes than the Coalition.


Friday, 14 January 2011

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Send For Monica

BILL: Hilary, I said you needed more
practice going down.


Wednesday, 12 January 2011

My Old & Sad Brother

RED ED: I had a rosette - it was this big -
but my brother pinched it for a trip to
Sunderland. Bastard.


Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Return Of New Labour Space Cadets?

It wasn't long before
Peter Mandelson
was able to re-invent himself.


Monday, 10 January 2011

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Nadine - Honey, Is That You?

The actress who plays Nadine Dorries
in the popular soap Westminster Village
has threatened to quit in protest
at the contoversial "alcoholism" storyline
that the writers have come up with.


Friday, 7 January 2011

Protected Species

The Coalition was surprised to find how dificult
it was to successfully hunt down
and illiminate the illusive Quango.


Thursday, 6 January 2011

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Chateauneuf du VAT?

JOHNSON: I'll pay, Chris, but can you
add up the bill for me?


Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Bercows Party Like It Was 1999

It's our fun new party game, dahling.
People frisk me to see where I've hidden John.


Monday, 3 January 2011

The VAT's Out Of The Bag

Did you realise that a 2.5 % rise in VAT
means that a blank page goes up by this many policies?


Sunday, 2 January 2011

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Sleeping Giant

Coalition strategists assess how long it
will be before the
Union Colossus breaks free.