Monday, 31 December 2012

Sunday, 30 December 2012

Its An Old U.S. Custom

We're holding you on suspicion of
terrorising other long-distance athletes.


Saturday, 29 December 2012

Thursday, 27 December 2012

Dearly Deported

Muhammad Nazir:

The State always gets its pound of fish.


Monday, 24 December 2012

Keep Digging

For the avoidance of doubt can I state for the record that the Met cannot be judged
by the actions of one corrupt officer... two corrupt officers... several corrupt officers...
the Met cannot be judged by the fact that it is an entirely corrupt force.


Saturday, 22 December 2012

No Real Answers

NRA Spokesman:

OK. Here's the deal.

You let us put a real bullet in the Kinder Egg
and we'll put chocolate bullets in all our guns.


Friday, 21 December 2012

Tactical Awareness

It's just like my government: all spin and own goals.


Thursday, 20 December 2012

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Constabulary Duty

MITCHELL: Could you open the gate, please?

COP: Password...?


COP: That's last week's.

MITCHELL: Er... Government...?

COP: Yesterday's.

MITCHELL: Oh, right. Plebs...?


Medium Or Message?

LIZ: Good morning, everyone. Shall I start us off?

Is there anybody there?


Tuesday, 18 December 2012

The Very Long Arm Of The Law

I was proceeding down my street where I live on my day off when I heard a Tory ... a toff ... a cabinet minister say: “You f***ing idiot ... moron ... pleb” to a mate ... a cop ... a diplomatic protection officer in next door’s garden ... somewhere in London ... in Downing Street.


Monday, 17 December 2012

The Coalition Tightrope.

After five years as leader of the Liberal Democrats
Nick Clegg denied any notion that his support
was waning.


Friday, 14 December 2012

One Nation Lost In Translation

Immigrants should learn English.
Here are some useful phrases to start them off:

a). Good morning. My name is Gillian Duffy.

b). Hello. Are you a bigoted woman?

c). How do you turn this microphone off?


Thursday, 13 December 2012

What The Frack...?

Shale Gas is perfectly safe...

as long as you don't mine it.


Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Monday, 10 December 2012


Manchester City's answer to United's domination
has always been to throw money at it.


Sunday, 9 December 2012

Boldly Gone

One extra star in the sky tonight.


Saturday, 8 December 2012

Friday, 7 December 2012

Good Call...

What say this time we pretend to be
the Samaritans?


Fairtrade, Fair Tax?

We woke up and smelt the boycott.


update: Costalottacustomers

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Little Doesn't Help

We really don't understand why our

Weight Watchers Brand

hasn't sold well in the U.S.


Monday, 3 December 2012

England Expects...

The paparazzi better bloody behave themselves
or we'll set

Lord Justice Leveson

onto them.


Sunday, 2 December 2012

Tax-less In Seattle

We're moving from Tall Skinny Latte Tax


Grande Chocolate Cream Frappuccino® with Extra Double Whipped Tax.

We listen to our customers.

Especially when they're leaving us in protest.


Saturday, 1 December 2012

'Phone Haka

Fleet Street editors react to Leveson's call for a
new press watchdog.