Thursday 27 June 2013

Monday 24 June 2013

The Mitchell Effect



You know you'll have to take it through the
side gate when you leave.


***



Institutional Camouflage



Neville, do you think this guy's an
undercover racist?


***


Sunday 23 June 2013

The Prism Effect



Iceland clearly has its own fair share of mountains
so why would it want to poach
Snowden as well?


***


Saturday 22 June 2013

Do You Want To Know A Secret?





And the most surprising thing about the whole
Edward Snowden episode is the revelation that
cheesemakers make cheese.


***

Thursday 20 June 2013

Soul Mates



...then I called him Jeffrey again and his
bottom lip began to quiver - I thought he
was going to burst into tears!


***

Monday 17 June 2013

The Physical Impossibility Of Death...



....and Charles strangles.


***

G8 Mates



I appreciate your input, Vlad, but I'm not sure
an arm-wrestle is the right way to solve
the Syrian crisis.


***

Friday 14 June 2013

Close To The Sun



Frankly, me having an affair with Wendi Deng is
about as likely as, say, an affair between
Rebekah Brooks and Andy C...


***

Democracy At Work



Ed Miliband plays politics on Europe.


***

Tuesday 11 June 2013

What Me, Guv?



I was only trying to protect the interests of the
Green Lobby.
What do you mean "Tim Yeo is the Green Lobby"?


***

Sunday 9 June 2013

Publish And Be... Rich



We take our responsibilities as a publisher seriously:

Through Google you can find some
serious child pornography.


***


Friday 7 June 2013

Ed's Big Week



Some people say I only listen to Ed Balls.
Others say I only listen to the Unions.
Others again say I only listen to my Dad from up above
[God rest his soul].

The truth is I am my own man.
I only listen to Willy Wonka.


***

Thursday 6 June 2013

The Bilderberg Effect



For the avoidance of doubt we are NOT
appearing at
The Grove, Watford
this week.


***



Magic



It will be a flexible cap and I will
raise it and lower it just like this.


***

Tuesday 4 June 2013

Editors' Notes


Dear Cools,
How I miss those country suppers.



Dear Reds,
How I miss the horse.


Dear Both,
Just fuck the fuck off, will you?


***






Monday 3 June 2013

Headline Grabbers



Back in the day at The News Of The World
we were Old School.
If it shagged we nailed it.



***

Saturday 1 June 2013

Lobby Fodder



Nothing doth it profit a man to sell his soul
for the whole world.

But for Fiji...?!


***